Breaking up when you re still in love7/13/2023 I remember how in the weeks following, my friends urged me to leave the relationship. ![]() Trust was shattered and respect discarded. Yet in many ways, I allowed love to cripple me.īecause about nine months into my beautiful, loving relationship, events took a jarring turn for the worse. ![]() I fell in love, and with it I tapped into both an emotional vulnerability and a capacity for joy that I never knew I possessed. I learned to care for another human with a wonderful, warm, special kind of tenderness, with a depth and intensity that I didn’t know existed within my small body. I’ve been lucky, because over the course of the last 12 months, I experienced enough smiles and laughter to last me a lifetime of rainy days. I am certain of this, because I have spent the past year internalizing her advice, convincing myself that love is always worth fighting for and that I should never abandon a relationship if I still love my partner. Natalie Portman’s character in Closer, of course, would never have approved of all this Googling. I take a brave gulp of coffee and swipe from left to right on my keypad, guiding the screen back to my original Google search: Each number seems to represent a stranger’s heartbreak, and collectively those heartbreaks comprise a quiet tragedy on my computer screen. I wonder if this number includes my own viewing, or if I am in fact the 1,242,585th reader.Įither way, the figure is still vast and terrible. At the bottom of the page, a small ticker lets me know that the article has been read 1,242,584 times. The advice has been broken down into 11 steps, all neatly categorized under two sections: “Changing Your Mindset” and “Regaining Your Independence.” The last illustration depicts a woman and man gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes, having successfully moved on and fallen in love with a new partner. ![]() “Supposing you do still love them?” he asks, wrinkling his handsome nose up in skepticism.įast forward one year, and I am scrolling through a wikiHow article titled “How to Let Go of Someone Who You Deeply Loved.” It’s a well-intentioned editorial, full of bright graphics and cheerful tips. Jude Law, her love interest, doesn’t seem to buy it. Not through hysterics or accusations, but simply with these words: She is currently describing the best way to leave a relationship. It’s a Wednesday night, and I’m watching Natalie Portman give a wholehearted performance in Closer.
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